I don't know if anyone reads this anymore, but if you do, and you're anybody I used to pal around with besides Chanhnie and Steve (whom I have already contacted), I will be in Vegas from the 19th to the 23rd, and we re-he-he-heally need to get together! You can reply below, or e-mail me with some recent contact information. Alyssa, Rhiannon, Ferdinand, Matt, Holly, and anyone else who might be out there... get in touch with me!

So, lately I have been watching all the Star Trek movies over again. I've been a fan of Star Trek for as long as I can remember. That is not actually true. In fact I can remember exactly when I became a fan and what episode I was watching. But the whole 'as long as I can remember' thing seemed like a good thing to say. Anyway, though, watching through these movies again has made me in fact realize that Star Trek... is dead. The magic is gone and it's never coming back.

This isn't an idea I came to after a long time thinking about it. I didn't slowly become disollusioned. No, the moment I knew that Star Trek Was Dead was this:

That is the manual steering column. And it controls this:

The manual control stalk was a product of the 9th Star Trek film, Insurrection. Which was mostly, despite what critics said, a good film. But there's that section, where Riker, wanting precision maneuvering, tells the computer to activate the Manual Steering Column. "OOH!" I thought, the first time. "What will happen? Perhaps a big piece of technology will appear. It will have levers and knobs and will be great!"

And the Manual Steering Column came up. It came up from the floor.

And it was a joystick.

It was a crummy joystick. Probably one of the $20 models that you buy at Wal-Mart (No! Not even Radio Shack! Radio Shack is too classy for that kind of crap). And it comes up from the floor. And Riker uses it to steer the ship. Of course. Because a dude standing on the bridge, looking out the window, can totally maneuver the ship the way he needs to with a joystick.

If you believe that, I have some land I'd like to sell you.

But Star Trek used to be good. Really good. The first of Star Trek I ever saw was Voyager. And I really, really liked it. To this day it's my favorite of all of them. "Well," my mother told me when I was but 10, "did you know that Star Trek was around before Voyager?" And so, when the Sci-Fi channel started airing The Original Series I sat down to watch it. And the first episode of that series, The Corbomite Maneuver, brought me such astounding visuals as this:

And this:

And, of course, this:

Okay. So, the height of modern visual effects, this is not. But the stories were good. It was about the characters and, most of all, it was about people exploring space. Of course we came to find out that Space was a pretty weird place, where all kinds of wibbly wobbly things could and would mess up your ship at a moment's notice. And of course a couple lowly nobodys on the lower decks might die in horrific ways but, hey, for the most part things went onwards next week. It didn't really matter. And of course we got The Next Generation, with Picard and his androids and his tea and, of course, his ultimate nemesis, Q. I loved Q. Still do. He is without a doubt the best character ever conceived in the history of anything ever.

So, for a good long time, through several movies and hundreds of TV episodes, Star Trek worked its way into my heart and mind. And I still love it. In fact I am still collecting the DVDs as we speak (and by collecting I mean renting and copying. You gonna report me to the FCC or whoever legislates that? Have you checked Amazon? The want like $2500 for all the TV and the movies. Well, I would rather shell out $100 in blank discs and do it myself, thank you very much. But hey, I appreciate the efforts to suck money out of my neck like a vampire. Really). But something came along to destroy all that. And that was the series called Enterprise.

Everyone else saw it. Everyone looked at Enterprise and said, "This sucks. Kill it." But I said no. I liked it. Probably because I had an addiction. I realize that now. But looking back, after a couple of Star Trek free years... Enterprise was just plain bad. And not just because the acting was stilted. First off, we don't need a tie in to other episodes every single time the show comes on. The first time it happened, that they forshadowed something that would happen later (Enterprise was a prequel series, just like Star Wars Episodes 1-3 which were also mostly bad. Coincidence?) it was cute. By like the 80th time... not so cute. But, hey, I did get to see some hot Vulcan breastses. So that was kinda nice, I guess. Networks try all this stuff to boost ratings but you know what? I don't really care. Go on. Boost the ratings all you want. Fo Realz.

(As an aside, I am not sure if the 'they just do that for the ratings argument' really holds up, and I will tell you why. When each episode finishes, they have a 10-15 second thing about, "Next Time on Star Trek." And that one, I think, said, "Next Time on Star Trek, an Alien Disease affects the crew!" Now, if they really were using scenes like that to boost the ratings - that is, to get more people to tune in, then the blurb would have been, "Next Time on Star Trek, BOOBIES!" So, who knows. Maybe the writers just realized their show was going down the tubes and decided that dammit, they were at least gonna have some fun on the set.)

But the biggest problem of all is that the stories were action stories. About folks on a starship fighting. They were meant to be explorers. And once they stopped being explorers, well, then it was just suck time.

It really does bother that they tried to cash in on the Star Wars prequels, as well. Everything about our culture ("Oh good! Culture commentary! Could it be that we have arrived at the real reason for this post?" "Maybe so, Number One. Maybe So.") is all about copycatting. Take Who Wants To Be A millionaire, for example. A gameshow like no other. The set was futuristic and intimidating. The music was creepy. And you didn't have to outmaneuver anyone else or have an encyclopedic knowledge about you. You just had to be able to take a multiple choice test. Wow! How cool!

And how long did it take for the Attack of the Clones? Not long. Not nearly long enough. We got Greed, hosted by Chuck Wollery. Wow. Intimidating set. Creepy music. Multiple choice questions. WOW IT IS SO ORIGINAL I MAY GO CRAZY!

Then there was this show I watched recently, American Inventor or something. People came in with their inventions (some good, some crap) and this panel said whether they would like to see them go on to another round or not. One of the guys on the panel is an insulting British dude. Doesn't that American Idol have an insulting British dude? Yeah, I thought so. Plus, they must know they are copying, and I think they just don't see any other way they can possibly manage to make their show a success.

"Right, well, this Reality Show should be good."
"Yes, I quite like the idea. But remember, American Idol has the insulting British dude. If we want to be successful we, also, should have an insulting British dude."
"You're right, of course."

Then they put out a flier and hang it all over Los Angeles.

And of course, on the negative side (As if that weren't negative) we have the copycat crimes. After all, if shooting up Columbine High School worked out that well, why not get some ammo and take out your own school as well? Or Virginia Tech? Be sure to leave angsty videos for maximum media attention years after the event.

It's all enough to make you sick. And that's why we liked Star Trek. Because it was about people at the height of evolution, physically and mentally. They were good people. It gave us something cool to look forward to, and it gave us something to aspire to. But, as Spock might say, "The odds of such a primitive culture ever reaching our level of evolution without self-annihilating is approximately two billion to one." Well said Spock. Well said.

So, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go slip in my DVDs and go to sleep on the Starship Voyager, where all the men are strong, all the women are beautiful, and all the children are above average.

Okay, folks. So, here's the deal. I know I haven't been the best about updating... really anything. My last post was 32 weeks ago. You wanna give me a hard time about it? Go ahead. I'm gonna take advantage of the fact that I've been the supportive dude that everyone can talk to and cash in on that. Now it's my turn to have myself a bit of a pity party and if you have a problem with that, then you probably don't want to read on. Most of my entries on LJ are funny. This will probably have humor in it because, let's face it. I'm always funny. I'm a damn funny guy. It can't be helped. But I'm also gonna get harsh, because this has all been weighing on my for a long time and I've been to nice to say it, or too scared to say it, or maybe some of both. But whatever.

I have to say that a lot of this is gonna be directed at my friends from Las Vegas when I went to High School there. Some of the rest of you that have joined me along the way or through the add_me community are just gonna have to come along for the ride. So, I have a lot that I feel I need to throw out there, but I think I'll open with this: Are you crazy?

I'm starting to think that must be it, or at least part of it. Who knows? Maybe it's not your fault. Maybe the heat's finally cooked your brains, maybe the folks at Nellis released alien parasites into the water from Area 51. Maybe the nuclear waste leaked out of Yucca Mountain just like the doomsday people said it would. But you all, you have got to stop hating each other! It's maddening, really it is. And don't try to tell me I'm out of the loop or I don't understand, because I know a lot more of the details than you might have thought. Because every time I get a phone call or an email or an IM from any of you, it's all got some new twist in the continued war against each other. And, Good God, it makes me sick. Really, it does.

Now, please, do not for one second think that I do not want to hear from you all anymore. Honestly, that is not the case. It never has been and it never will be. I'm having a crappy ass day and I got another IM about this stuff, and it just all relates together so, what the hell. I'm just throwing all this out there. Those of you who know me know I used to temper everything... it was all about a logical approach to everything and about being sure not to leap before I looked. Well, screw that. Because I'm pissed, I'm feeling sorry for myself, and someone's gonna hear about it, because it's brought all these emotions up and I dunno where else to put them. I guess I better tell you what's been going on. It wasn't, in fact, an entirely crappy day. In fact, one of the folks reading this, I spent all of today with you and no, it wasn't you. But you did remind me about LJ and how I hadn't been there in a bit and so, i don't know, maybe it's just where I was meant to come and throw some of this emotion out. Whatever. Anyway, it was in fact a really good day until about, say, an hour ago. Maybe less. That's when I came, and looked at my email, and found an email from a girl.

She's a girl I fancied quite a bit. Really. A lot. And one I never got the courage to even talk to... kind of a pattern for me, I guess, but no matter. But she was quite happy in this email. And the reason she was so happy was because she'd come up with a time and date for her wedding. Apparently she's getting married. And the guy she's gonna marry is not me, otherwise this would be a whole different kind of post. Probably one along the lines of, "I am frightened, please save me."

Have you ever been kicked in the head by a goat? Well, now imagine being kicked in the head by a goat, only the goat has an atomic warhead attached to its feet. Yeah, it's kinda like that.

So, then, seconds later, I get an IM. And lo and behold, there's something else going on. Another battle line drawn, another two people moving farther apart. And I tried to be my regular, supportive self, honest to God I did. But I started to throw some of this stuff at this person, and I realized, they didn't deserve it. At least not alone. Honest to God, do you all not realize how god damn good you had it? Christ. I don't know. Maybe friends come along easy for all of you. Maybe it doesn't matter that much. But when you've forged those kinds of bonds with people, personally, I don' t think it's worth giving them up over prom madness and exes and people having sex with other people and people's sexual orientations and I don't know what all. There is no (or there should not be) anything more important to us than other people, and I can't believe what silly things people have done, but also what silly things people have let come between them. It drives me crazy, it does. I really do wonder if you all knew then, or know now, how great you had things. I wonder if you realize that while you were throwing friendships that has lasted years and years away that there were people far away who were completely and utterly alone. I don't know. Maybe you just don't realize how important it is and how tragic it is until you don't have a friend to spare. And then, all of a sudden, you realize how important it is to grab onto someone and just. not. let. go. And if you do have to let go, make it for a good reason, not some petty... CRAP!

So, what am I saying here? "Go make up and be friends again and the world will be filled with Love?" Or how about, "Just all get back together for my sake." No. I've grown beyond that. I've grown beyond thinking relationships can be fixed in a half hour and that people do things just because I want them to do them. No, I outgrew that kind of wishy-washy crap in first grade. But on the other side of that coin, yes, I do believe relationships can be fixed. You have to WORK at them, though. And I am saying, and making a push for you all, to please please please just try it. Try taking some time and working at it! God! You do not even remotely fuckin realize how lucky you were. And you threw it all, every bit of it, away. But at least work on even being civil! You can't even do that! I said at one point that I would like to come out to Las Vegas again over spring break, and see the old gang. And a lot of you flat out told me that I'd have to come see you all separately because you can't even be in the same ROOM together. That's insanity. I've had friendships break off before but you can still be civil. I know DIVORCED people who can be in the same room together. I've become a Scrubs fan and I just adore Dr. Cox. And honestly maybe it's good we didn't see each other all together this year because I probably would have gone nuts about this then instead of now and ranted at you all. And I promise you it would have had the phrase, "Honest to God, you make me so crazy I fear I may just hurt myself." in it.

I guess what I am trying to say here is that it's always worth the effort, you guys. That's something you all seem to have lost sight of, and it bothers the hell out of me. Because if you don't put effort into it then you end up like me... sitting alone in front of a computer screen at 11:40 PM writing long posts because you're just realizing, for the first time, how truly alone you really are.

I want to say again that I am also not saying that if you have issues or you want to talk, that you shouldn't call me or IM me. Nothing could be further from the truth. I'm frustrated with a lot of the stuff that I hear is going on with you all, but I still care about you, still love each and every one of you, and I would miss you all the more if I just didn't hear from you anymore. I'm havin a bad night and I'm just having a go at everyone. God, that's wrong. I'm doing a lot of stuff wrong. It's wrong to beat you all up. It's wrong that I heard from a friend tonight that she's getting MARRIED, for cryin out loud, and all I can think about is me. So, you know what? Whatever. I'm done with this. I'm just counting the whole damn night as a screwup and gonna try to forget it. I'm sorry for everything... whatever. I'll post something else, some other time. Talk to some of you all later, or if I've offended you, then maybe not. Whatever. Right at the moment, I just wanna get into bed and angrily go to sleep.

Have a terrific evening.

No guesses? Fine, I will tell you. This is my first post from my new palm. Yes, dear friends, I have joined the ranks of the mobile American consumer task force, and it pleases me. Plus for some reason this thing can get past that stubborn firewall, so yay Palm! More entries tomorrow!

So, I am looking at my user icon, and I am trying to follow its advice (which is, for those of you with images off, "Don't Panic"). But, I cannot help but be a little bit worried. I am afraid that, due to the months of unintentional neglect I gave to Livejournal (see my last entry) that people have removed me or stopped reading me. I may have to go sign up at one of the "add me" groups and try to make hundreds more friends once again, which would give me somewhere in the thousands of friends. This is a less than manageable number because instead of being able to give meaningful comments to people, I would have to ration you all to one syllable or less. And that would make me even less popular, leading me to get more friends from "add me", and finally causing me to ration people to one character or, as a last resort, one piece of punctuation. This would leave me able only to leave such comments as:

?

!

&

*

(

,

.

'

Since these would pretty much be the worst comments ever, I am hoping that I do not have to do that, and that you all will post me just a little message to let me know if you are still with me. But that is not all. I AM NOT JUST A COMMENT WHORE you guys. I feel it is important to provide you with some kind of content or something awesome. I thought, what if there were a way for me to get comments from people other than "Yes I am here," all while generating interest and joy and stuff? Then, lo, the answer came to me as if from above! No, actually it came from dees417, and I intend to totally rape the idea and turn it around to my own benefit. Because, that is what the internet is all about (if you do not believe me ask Eric Bauman. But, anyway, the way this works is simple. You post a comment with something (anything) you would like to see. Then I take a picture of it and I post it up. For example, if you comment with, "Show me a picture of your favorite book" then tomorrow you will get:

Doesn't that sound like fun? No? Well, do it anyway, you guys. Seriously, I need the diversion. And to know how many friends I have retained.

So, I know you all have been wondering what is up with me. I've gotten a lot of messages from people wondering why I don't post anymore. Mostly they say, "Dude, why don't you post anymore?" (I did not say they were overly poetic messages). Well, I will tell you. Many of you know that I recently (read: a month ago) moved on campus at the university. And if you did not know, well, now you do. Here is a funny story about dorm rooms. Sometimes they have crappy internet! Like, sometimes, the internet is really slow. That is not really an issue. But other time they block communications to some sites and on some ports just because they are a 'potential security risk'. Apparently they do not know that it is also a potential security risk to cut me off from the livejournalers I know and love. Because, really, when is that ever cool? When did it become fun to cut people off from other people? And what the hell kind of security risk is going to come about just because I get on the internet and post mundane details about my everyday life to complete strangers that, for all I know, could be crazed psychos who sit around in the basement and plot ways to turn people into their own private zombie army and take over Texas?

wait...........

The point of the story is that I wrote down to technical assistance about the issue and I asked what was going on. And they e-mailed me back a week later to say... please call us. So I called down to the technical assistance place. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: Hello technical assistant! I am having problems with my INTERNET! It is really a tragedy. Can you help me?
Tech Agent: Certainly resident, I believe I should be able to help you. What kind of problem are you having?
Me: Oh, it is so terrible! I am trying to get to Livejournal and it is not working. I am getting a message that says you have BLOCKED that website! TECH SUPPORT AGENT I am not ten (I told her this in case she did not realize that I was fast approaching 20 years old and that I do not need someone to decide what websites I can go to or not. Because, you know, sometimes people just don't know these things, probably because they have the brains of ten year olds themselves and they think that is the case for everyone)!
TA: Oh, that site. Yeah, I think we have that one blocked.
Me: That is wonderful news, tech support agent, you have made me a happy person. All you have to go do is UNBLOCK the website and I shall adore you forever!
TA: No, I do not think you understand. That website was blocked on purpose because it is a security problem. Too many people are getting their information stolen.
Me: I think that you might be confusing this site where people talk about how much beer they drank and how they broke up with so and so but it is ok because they had a crush on this other person anyway with the one where people post up their photos and phone numbers and social security numbers if they are really dumb, or the one that is a lot like it but does not look as nice, or the one where people post up videos of themselves. Surely there can be nothing but happiness and joy from this lovely exercise in mediocrity and dullness!
TA: I am sorry but I am not allowed to unblock things.
Me: Well, is there anything I can do?
TA: Try sending an e-mail to ________ (This is the place where she told me the e-mail and where I am not going to tell it to you in case some of you crazy internet people will write them and threaten them because they took me away from you. Yeah, I know, my ego is too large for my own good. So what?)

So, I sent them the e-mail. And the next week I get a reply. It says, "We would love to help you! Please call down to our help desk!"

Repeat ad infinitum nauseum suckium.

So, you may ask, why am I now suddenly here? How did it happen? Well, I will tell you. For some reason it was randomly unblocked and I do not intend to say anything about it. Anyway, be prepared that I could disappear again, I guess, but I will still write you entries from time to time. If I have to I will trust my login info to one of you and I shall enlist you to be my posting slave. Erm, uh, what I mean is I shall award you the privledge of being able to convey my messages to my people. Yeah, that's it.

Anway, I know that the suspense is probably killing you; you are wondering if everything has gone OK for me or what. Well, the answer is, of course, hell no, otherwise I would have written you all before now! Jeez! READ THE OPENING PARAGRAPHS YOU GUYS

Apart from that, however, things are great. New student orientation went off without a hitch... but you guys my feet totally hurt. Like, really, it was terrible. I had this blister that was as long as my finger. It was not fun you guys. But, no, this is not the proper way to do this. This is not what you are all here for. You totally want to hear from the beginning, don't you? Well, then, let's indeed start at the very beginning, a very good place to start.

In the beginning I was born.

*Fast Forward 19 Years*

Alright. Think back. Think back to a time long ago, when the world was a different place... a safer place... a time when... aw, forget it, it was two months ago. Forget the mysterious stuff OK? I was trying to make it all... cool and stuff... but that's just not getting the effect I wanted. It's making it sound bad when really it is not. Look, the point is that Tuesday was move-in day. Took forever to get everything up here, due to tearing bags and stuff. I do not know what it is about bags that they just come apart when you are trying to move a lot of stuff, but they only do it when you have a lot of things that you need to haul. I mean, think about it. If you are just, like, trying to move one bag full of stuff, there's no problem. You can take that bag across the country, you can drag it around, you can drop it, you can put it over a jet engine, whatever. But if you want to carry, say, five bags (none of them overfull, mind you) then all of a sudden some amazing things start to happen. And by amazing, I mean, crap, they just come apart like nobody's business. I do not know what weird electromagnetic force or whatever it is that multiple bags exert upon one another, but for some reason whenever they get together they just shred themselves. Maybe it is like a union for bags or something. They're like, when they're alone, they don't care. But then a bunch of them get together and they are like, "Let's fight back you guys! We have rights, too! Down with the man!" That is the only explanation I can think of because, really, the fact that you have several bags and the weight of them is making your arms hurt is totally not enough reason for the individual bags, which are no heavier than they were when you only had one of them, should just collapse, but whatever. It also strikes me that this is absolutely the worst way that the bags could stage a revolution because, sure they get out of the work but they are also pretty badly torn up.

Anyway, so, I got all moved in, and then it was time to go buy stuff. A lot of stuff. You probably know how it is when you are moving into a new place; you always find out that there is a lot of stuff that you need that you did not know that you were going to need until you got there and found that you needed it. For me the things I needed were of organizational purposes. I needed racks, carts, shelves and other storage thingies. One of the things I bought was a TV stand. And one part of that broke while I was just screwing it in. By hand. We would have returned it but it was totally not worth it and we were all tired and stuff. It will probably collapse one of these days but... whatev.

So, I got all finished with move in, and then there was training for orientation. Followed by orientation. And then the start of classes. Classes are also going well. I'm taking accounting which is really hard. You don't know the full pain and anguish of working on a long problem and then not having your balance sheet balance until... well, until you work on a long problem and then have your your balance sheet not balance. Or you have your leg amputated with a plastic fork. That is pretty close to the anguish of the bad balance sheet. The other classes are pretty easy. I've got two software classes, which is good because I want to do software for the rest of my life. Until forever. And, you know, that will be great. It is good to know what you want to do until the end of time. Not many people have that kind of security, but I do. And that just makes me so happy. I mean, a lot of the folks I go to school with have no idea what they want to do. And I just think, man, you are going to end up wasting a lot of time and stuff by not knowing. I mean, the first year you can take a lot of the university requirements and stuff and it will not be a problem but after that you really need to make a choice! And choices are usually not easy either.

I don't know why we as a species can't make decisions but it seems to be the kind of thing we are not equipped for. We usually try to get other people to make decisions for us until such time as they actually do. Then we complain and are like "NO give me my liberties back damn you (See the story about the TA above if you do not believe me)!" I think it is kinda weird that we do that. Why is it so hard to make a decision? I guess because we know that if we make it then we cannot complain to other people about it, but if they make it for us and it doesn't go well, then we can yell at the decider. But do we do that in reverse if things go well? Not usually, no. I wonder how that evolved in humans. When did we develop the fear of making decisions? I know it could not have started out that way because our ancestors would have just stood around otherwise waiting for someone to come tell us what to do. Since I look around and notice that neither myself not any of my associates are just standing around under a tree in Africa waiting for someone to come tell us to do something, that this is not the case. Probably it started when people made bad decisions. Like, a lot of them. In a row. Probably some Australopithecus were standing around and one of them said, "Hey, I think I am going to go try to stand on that lion over there!" (This would be the same dumbness that would eventually evolve into the sport known as "Car Surfing" which, for some reason, has not evolved out of the population despite the fact that it is just about the only thing you can do and be damn near guaranteed to die doing every time). Then one of the other ones would be like, "No, dude, don't be playin' like that. Dummy." But our first ancient ancestor (heretofore known as AA) ran up to the lion anyway. AB wasn't sure what to do so he just keeps on screaming at AA "NO DO NOT DO IT do not be an idiot!" But AA goes and vaults up and lands on the lion's back for a full quarter of a second before he is swiped down and eaten. Bam. One link is forged in the "Let other people make the decisions because they are better at it than you are" chain. Except that actually that could not work because, in our example, AA did not live long enough to pass his genetic coding on to the next generation anyway. So, you know what? Forget it. This is not anthropology, it is a happy funtime blog and I would appreciate it if we could deal with all the sciencey brain type stuff at some other, more opportune time. The point is this: I am back in business until the university finds the illegal descrambled I have spliced into the network in order to allow myself access to numerous web sites and applications the world over.

wait...........

Anyway, I am looking forward to getting in touch with you all. Again. Bye for now!

It is about 1:35 AM and I am wiping up grape juice.

Folks this will be the last time I get to put "Home" in my "Current Location" thing. From here on out it will have to be "Dorm" or "College" or "Not Home". I am looking forward to it, but I will still miss this chair that I am sitting in, and the dog. I need something warm and soft and cuddly to come home to after the end of a long day. No, no, commenters, do not go there. Get your mind out of the gutter. Yes, I know what you were thinking about. And don't.

So, you may ask yourself, 'If he is moving tomorrow why is he wiping up grape juice at 1:35 AM.' And the answer is, of course, mind your own business. No, I am just kidding, it is not. People like me who have blogs do not get to have a lot of people reading them just so they can say 'Mind your own business.' That is just wrong. If I did not want others minding my business then I would not put it here, would I? Anyway, then, the answer to your question is hard to see. To see it we must go back in time, to a time... ah, forget the drama, it was two weeks ago. But I think to retain some excitement I will use the term "fortnight". So, a fortnight ago, I poured myself some white grape juice, because it is my favorite kind, and I put it next to my bed to drink. I have to have a drink every night because if I do not I will wake up with this throat soreness that makes my eyes water. You would think that my body would use that eye water for a better purpose like, Idano, keeping my throat from hurting, but I guess my body is not that smart. But anyway, I thought to myself, "I hope I do not "knock that over when I wake up and go to turn off the alarm clock. And I didn't knock it over when I woke up and went to turn off the alarm clock. I did knock it over when I pulled the blanket up though. So, grape juice got everywhere and it is only today, when I was packing things, that I finally managed to clean up some of it. I did not know a lot of it had got to some of these places but I picked them up and was all 'ewww why is the fan sticky? Ohhhhhh.' So, that is what I am doing now. I am done packing. The car is full of stuff. I think if I put a book in there or something it will blow. But everything is going up in one trip, not two, so that is a good thing. Anyway, I am going to go to bed because I have an early day tomorrow. So goodbye all. I will see you soon... from the first post from the other side!!!

So, I have been thinking a lot about circles lately.

Folks do not leave, I am not on drugs, OK? When I said that I do not mean I was just sitting around the house with nothing to do and going, "Hm, wow, I like circles." Nor was I looking at a circle, following it around and around with my eyes, looking for the end. No, those are activities you can only partake in when you reach a certain special level of intoxication. No, but I did start thinking about circles through this project that I am doing. The project is that I am taking all my mom's old LPs and recording them digitally. Guys an LP is... oh, wait, those are popular again because the DJs use them to scratch. I remember there was a day when I would say "record" and my peers would look at me all strangely and be like "what is he talking about, is he delusional? Maybe he is from another planet! A planet where they store music on black pieces of WAX! Or vinyl. You cannot trust those aliens with their freaky technology and crap." But now we have come full circle (ohmigosh, more circles) to a time when I no longer have to do that. THANK YOU RETRO!

Anyway, though, I just find it interesting how much we use circles. Why do we use them for all our data storage? Think about it. We have already discussed records. Think back to the old days where computers stored data on magnetic tape. Where did you find that tape? Right, on big round spools. Then you got casette tapes, again with the spools, and then finally CDs. Yeah, circle. And that is not all. The hard drive in your computer is also a circle (You may not know this if you are not an IT major like I am, but it is our job to know all this stuff so that we can be properly socially awkward and also win lots of money on Jeopardy. Guys it is in the IT major contract. C'mon, where are all my IT majors to back me up on this?). If you take a floppy disk apart, there is a circle in there that the data actually gets written to (more Jeopardy-worthy info folks). In fact, the only data storage devices I can think of that are not round are books and 8-track tapes. I think we all know what happened to the 8 Track. It was phased out. The data storage community was all, "8 TRACK TAPES you are not worthy of our greatness because you are not circular. You have edges. AWAY WITH YOU!" I guess the point I am trying to make with all of this is that I think books are going to go out of style soon.

Alright, if you are one of those alarmists who thinks that Ray Bradbury's vision of a literature-less society has been predicted in my blog here, first of all... I need to smack you. Because if you believe that my blog is in any way prophetic/accurate/reliable/not writtein at 2 AM, then you are a truly strange person. But also, if you feel that Fahrenheit 451 is coming true, no. I just mean real books are going away. In favor of reading on a screen or something. And being able to store the text on a circle. I have been thinking about all this stuff, and I think that it is kind of like the way that we interact with one another. All throughout history we have people excluding one another because they do not fit one mold or another. The world is made up of a lot of round people. But all us folks out here with rough edges and corners and stuff are kind of out of the loop. And, wow. Loops... circles... this analogy works on so many levels. Anyway, though, that's how it is. You are phased out, or you are forced to convert over. If you have any rough edges, people don't want to have to deal with you, do they?

I have a lot of rough edges. Like... a lot. I just tried to count. You do not know this because you are not here sharing in the writing process, but there were 18 and a half minutes between "Like" and "a lot" 2 sentences ago. See how much you learn about the writing process from me? A lot of people do not realize how hard writing can be, or the process involved. They do not realize that when a page gets produced, hardly ever does it all get produced at once. Usually a few sentences get written down, and then the person has to go deal with something else to get the creative juices flowing again. Like when I am writing something I will probably put a sentence down, and then I will go read my e-mail. Then I will go and watch something on TV. And I will come back and try to write another few lines but the phone will ring and I will end up talking to people for a good long time. Then I will come back to my word processor and sit down to write a few lines but I will look at the clock on the computer first and realize that I had better get something out of the freezer for dinner if we are going to not go hungry that night, so I get up and go over to the freezer. Usually it takes a long time for me to decide what to make, and when I take it upstairs to put it in cold water in the sink (because it took me so long to get it out, mind you) I will probably get another phone call, or I will watch some more TV. Then after I have made dinner and cleaned up after it, I will probably go downstair to do some evening writing and then - and this is the important part - decide I did not like the few lines I wrote all day and delete them. At this rate I confidently predict I will have a full book by 2028. So, there, you learned something.

That's one of my rough edges right there. I am a procrastinator. I put things off for a long time. And when I finally get to them, I feel so overwhelmed that I put them off some more. Which is really the worst thing I can do, but hey. It is my life. If you think you can do better at it, you are welcome to. I will be having a little lie down while you live my life for me. So bring it on.

The reason I have been thinking about all these things is because I am going to be leading a group of students around for Orientation at DU. I am wondering how many of my rough edges are apparent. Will folks respect me? Listen to me? I am not one of those insecure people who is all "I am afraid that people will not LIKE ME!!! AAH!" No, it is not like that. But this is the first time in my life that I will be leading other people around and introducing them to things. The things I say over that week will shape their views of the school for the next four years. But no pressure, right? So, I am trying to smooth myself out a bit, at least for the next few weeks. Then I can go back to being my regular, everyday, angular self. And perhaps I will invest in antique 8 track tapes.

Oh, additional item: I am not usually the kind to just put AIM chats on here, because I feel that is like a cop out. But considering you have nearly 2 pages of happy thoughts up there, I feel I am allowed to put this up, too. And also, I promised.

AlexG2490: Yo!
AlexG2490: What you doin
AlexG2490: ?
riunyunz: Hi. Ranting on my lj and watching Rachel and Holly practice Soul Calibur 2
AlexG2490: Good times.
AlexG2490: Tell Holly hello, and tell Rachel... that I would say hello to her as well if I knew who she was.
riunyunz: They say hey
riunyunz: In that zombie tone people have when playing vid games
AlexG2490: I know the one, yes
AlexG2490: So, yay ranting.
AlexG2490: I am writing, but mine is just about circles.
AlexG2490: And, yeah
riunyunz: Circles are tight
AlexG2490: Or not.
AlexG2490: Sometimes they are quite loose.
AlexG2490: The hula hoop comes to mind.
riunyunz: Them damn trampy circles
riunyunz: =P
AlexG2490: Yes!
AlexG2490: OK, this conversation is going on the blog
riunyunz: Haha riunyunz: Awesome =D
AlexG2490: CONGRATULATIONS RHIANNON, you have made it to fame and stuff.

Lesson for the day: WATCH OUT FOR TRAMPY CIRCLES PEOPLE!

So, I said a few days ago that I was going to get all these new friends from this community, and it was going to be awesome, and then I disappeared. Oh yes, I did. And I was thinking I had better post a lot, at least in the early stages. Then all of a sudden I find out that my family and I are going up to see my dad's aunt, who is very old and lonely and needs company. So we went up there and we kinda made a day of it. And that turned into 2 days of it, and that turned into about 4 days of it. There are a lot of cool things to do in some of those little small towns. You would not think they were that awesome because they are all slow and sleepy but they are actually kind of neat. Where else can you go walk down the street to all these pretty little shops and see people sitting outside the barber shop? It was like taking a few days off in Mayberry. Anyway, I had my laptop and there was dialup there but... damn. I had forgotten how bad dialup was. It is like a traumatic experience. Later on you look back on it and you say "Oh that was not so bad, I got through it and I am alive and I still have most of my fingers and stuff, so it was not too bad," and then a few years after that it happens again and you are like, "OH NO IT WAS BAD AFTER ALL!" It is like that when you leave broadband and go back to dialup, so if you can avoid it, do not do it. It is painful. Anyway, so, I was able to use my instant messengers and I did a few comments but I hadn't the patience to write an entry. So, sorry about that.

It's interesting what you remember and what you don't though. Like, just about being on dialup. I knew that images loaded from the top down in strips, but did you remember that they start out all pixely and then they optimize several times? I had forgotten. I also forgot that today was my niece's 8th birthday. I remembered, though, when we showed up there. One thing I do remember but wish I could forget was her last birthday party, in which I was attacked by children and adults alike, held down, and forced to endure the worst torture ever. They took the makeup kit they gave my niece and they did me up. The put these little claspy things in my hair, and sprayed some crap on my face, and then there was giltter. I do not know when it became popular to use glitter as fashion, but they did. But they did not sprinkle it. No, they took the whole can and threw it in my face. Then they took a picture. I suspect it is circulating the internet as we speak. I bet people in China are opening e-mail and there I am, all decked out to look like a moron. They are sending it to their other friends and saying "See those American people? THIS IS WHY THEY CREEP ME OUT!" Anyway, so today I was like, "I do not want to have to kill anyone but I might do if anyone gets near me with any kind pretty-fying substances.

So, on a completely unrelated note, have you noticed that life goes good for awhile and then when it goes bad it all goes bad at once? And usually it is just little things that get in the way of your happiness, but they stick, and you are like, huh, this is not good. Take yesterday for example. Yesterday I went out and bought all the stuff I am going to need for dorm life, and man, there is a lot of it. So, I am walking around all day buying stuff (Note that when I say I am buying stuff I actually mean that I am walking around going "oh that too" while I make my parents buy the stuff. Because I am already going to be 40K in debt when I graduate... they can totally swing $150 to help out with stuff).

( Here is my ridiculously long and ever-growing list of stuff to take with me. Let me know if you have other suggestions for stuff to bring. )

So, anyway, I bought all this stuff and brought it home, and then it was time to cook. I was going to make this broiled chicken by my favorite all-time chef of anytime ever, Alton Brown. He does the chicken on a bed of aromatic veggies, and he makes a kind of stuffing for under the skin, between the skin and the meat, that has lemon zest and garlic and salt and pepper and olive oil, and it was wonderful. But it also took 45 minutes longer to cook than expected. So, we are all sitting around the table thinking, "Is it done yet?" And we are all getting hungrier and stuff. Finally we got to eat but it took a long time. So dinner was at nearly 8:30 PM. Anyway, that was not so bad, except that I always feel like I am a failure when I cannot get the day's meal out on time. It always takes me a lot longer than I expected to cook, really, anything. But anyway, other than that, it was a good day.

Now, those of you who were with me before will remember this story about rain problems in my window well. Well, they are worse this time. A lot worse. This time I went out and the rain was filling up so fast that I had to start bailing out with the bucket. And when that did not work I went and stood in the window well, ankle-deep in water, and started pushing it out as fast as I could. Now that I have my webcam that can take stills, I have better pictures.

The window last night, with the bucket still in it

Me pointing to how high the water came up

All the towels I used to sop up the water that was leaking in. And also my dog.

The same towels, but check out the look on the dog's face. The dog is all, "Wow that is a lot of towels, and what are you doing with that camera?"

Holy Crap! That is a lot of towels!

OK, field trip time. Last time I posted pics people did not understand the problem. So, here it is. See up there where there is some rust on the metal? That is where the water comes in. And it comes in because of...

This hole. It should be sealed up next to the house but it is not.

And, Oh! Look! It looks like rain again! That will be so nice! *grumble*

One more dog cameo to lift your spirits after that grim story. "Hey, can I lick the camera?"
"No, dog, you may not, you will leave slobber all over it."
"You are right, I will."

So, that is what has been up with me. Fun stuff, huh? I am going to run know. I really do hear the thunder starting. IT IS TIME TO PUT THE BUCKET IN THE WINDOW WELL AGAIN!"

Hello Internet People! I have just been hanging out a lot lately, waiting for interesting things to happen to me so that I can bore you with them! Erm, wait, I actually meant so that you can be captivated by the fun details of my life. Yeah.

So, I suppose I should take this opportunity to introduce all of my friends from real life to my friends from my other secret life. Actually I guess it is not a secret life because you all knew that I am an internet junkie, but the point is that I have gotten myself a few new friends here on Livejournal. As you know, I have said before that I would really like to be able to think that I have got a lot of people reading what I write, because I feel like it is kind of dumb to write stuff that really people are not reading. So, I decided, I would go searching for new readers. I have found a few fun people by hitting the random journal button, but that usually gave me empty journals and journals where people talked about how drunk they were and journals written in foreign languages. I have nothing against foreign languages, but I like to be able to understand what it is that people are saying to me. I think they would get more out of the relationship if they were able to read what I were saying, too.

So, I was at a loss for what to do, so I went to my good friend Google, and asked Google, "How can I get more livejournal friends?" Like the sage that it is, Google sent me to a livejournal entry that someone else made, and it had this list on it:

Add a bunch of random friends, and hope they'll add you back

Making your LiveJournal friends only

Post in </a></b></a>add_me, asking for friends, or any of the derived communities thereof

Post in a interest specific community, asking for friends

Make a post in a rating community

Post comments in other people's journals, while not directly asking to be added

Post insightful comments in other people's journals, while not directly asking to be added

Post a comment in a journal that you just added to your friendslist, saying you did so

Post pretty pictures

Post interesting stuff

Of all these things, the </a></b></a>add_me community seemed like the best idea. It is an entire community filled with people who also want people to add them and be their livejournal friends! This just made me extremely happy. It is always good to know that you can find like-minded people on the internet if you just look hard enough. Anyway, I added a bunch of people, and some more might be adding me! Then there will be new people with which to share all my fascinating tales about life and stuff! So, I am excited, because it is always nice to meet new people.

So, for you new people, let this serve as a wonderful welcome. And for my friends who were already on here, you can celebrate this too because you'll get a lot more posts from me. There's something motivating about knowing people are reading what you're writing. But I promise, I am not a "comment whore", as someone in that group put it. I am not one of those creepy people who flips out when people do not leave lots of comments all the time. Anyway, also I find it interesting that other people that I do not know will be reading. When I first got my LJ... I had not been writing a lot in there because I did not really have any friends in there apart from my friends from high school, so there was not much point in having a post that said, "Hello, here are some things that happened today that you were there for. Yes, I know, you are probably reading this and thinking 'Wow, I remember this as if it were THREEE HOURS AGO!'. Isn't it amazing how my writing just takes you back?" Yeah, that seemed pretty useless. But then I realized that my journal did not just have to be about things that happened to me. It could also be a place where I got to flex my creative muscle, and try to have some fun with some quirky social commentary. Well, hey, that seemed like it could be fun, because otherwise my stuff would be mostly, "So today I got up, did some stuff, went back to sleep in the evening," so I decided that hey, I will do that! Then I moved away from where I was, and had to spend a lot of time telling people what was happening in my life all over again, because they did not know anymore. But now I have gotten back into having fun and stuff. I enjoy writing in here, but now I think I shall enjoy it even more.

And really, I do enjoy writing in here. I think what I really like about Livejournal is that it lets me make other people laugh. It's weird though, because often I will say something funny and people will laugh and then someone will come up to me and say, "You know that thing you just said? that was really funny!" It is like they are surprised or something, or they think I do not know. They think I am just spontaneously funny and do not realize it is happening. I usually reply with something like, "Well, it was intended that way." Anyway, though, this is fun. It amuses me, and it helps me unwind. And it takes up some of my downtime.

People are looking for a lot of ways to amuse themselves, though. People do a lot of different things. Write, read, watch TV and movies... whatever. I have actually been watching a lot of TV lately. I have discovered Firefly, which is not sci-fi, or a western. Not alone anyway. But it's like, a sci-fi-western-comedy-action-drama... all those things rolled into one. Firefly, as I understand it, was really good but it was put up against Friends, and nothing can survive against that. So, they cancelled it after 11 episodes. It's a real shame, because it's a pretty good show. Luckily, they did get a movie so you can get your multi-genre fix that way. I suggest giving it a look sometime.

Another thing that some people do is play games. I am currently playing Eve. Eve is one of those online games where you run around shooting things, getting a lot of money, and spending a lot more of it on things you need to keep from dying every ten seconds. But the truly wonderful thing about Eve is that you do not actually have to be there to play it. To get anywhere you want to go, you have to spend about 20 minutes jumping around through hyperspace. But since you can do that on autopilot, you can just go off and do something else. Like, today, I set myself a course, and then I went off and made a cheese sandwich, and I read a book, and solved the problem of nuclear fission. Well, I almost did, but I finally got there just as I was doing the last equation. And I didn't save my Excel spreadsheet. But someone will get it, so no problem. Anyway, then I made one pickup at a station, and then it was another 20 minutes to the next station. So, that was nice. There is nothing quite so interesting as something you can do while you are doing something else.

I had better enjoy being able to get away from the computer once in a while because I am not going to be able to come the 29th. On the 29th I'll be going back to school, and moving into the dorms. No more commuting for me, I will now be living on campus. This is significant, I think, because now most of my classes will be about a block away from where I live instead of, say, 25 miles away. So, that should cut my commuting time down by about 1000% or so. Anyway, though, I finally got my room assignment, so I went and looked on the floorplan. And, wow. Here, have a look. Mine's the single room right at the top of the picture.

Yeah. Do you notice how the door opens to half the depth of the room? That's got to be off scale, I think. Because otherwise, I would have to open the door and get right into the bed. And then go over the headboard to get to the desk. I am pretty sure that the prisoners in Guantanamo Bay have more space than that. Still, it's cool with me, because at least I will still get to be alone. I value solitude a lot. It will leave me more down time, where I will be able to sit at the computer, with some music on, writing an entry for my livejournal, and watching Eve play itself into the wee hours of the morning.

I have been in the kitchen all day. Roasting pork, mashing potatoes. But most of all... making muffins. 96, in all. That is a helluva lot of muffins, people. It is a lot of mixing, it is a lot of spooning, it is a lot of being sure to add the dry ingredients to the wet and not the other way around. Yeah, if you add the wet to the dry then you cannot combine it all properly. So there. And also, it is best to preheat your oven to 20 degrees below the final cooking temperature so that the muffins get a burst of heat right at the start of the cooking. But yeah. Right now, if I ever see another muffin again I think I shall kill it.

So, yesterday I had to go back down to the University for the first time since June. I had a luncheon to go to. It was pretty entertaining. But I saw this thing posted on the bulletin boards for the Colorado UFO Briefing. I thought, wow, the conspiracy theorists are out in full force for this one. "Come to our event," they say. "We will show you the truth about all this freaky stuff! Also free hot dogs! THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE PEOPLE!" I always think conspiracy theorists are funny because they look in the oddest places for conspiracies which are far fetched and which you can't really see, or prove, when there are all these very obvious conspiracies around us every day that nobody sees or talks about. Well, that is what I intend to expose today, because that is my job, and also because it is something to write about. THE TRUTH IS IN HERE!

What conspiracy theorists do not realize is that not all conspiracies have to involve aliens and government surveilance. All you really need for a good, nay smash-up conspiracy theory, is proof that someone out there is trying to drive you crazy. Because, really, isn't that what all the conspiracies out there are meant to do? Do you think they are in it for fun? Do you think some government agents are hanging out, and maybe they are at their coffee break, and one of them says, "I am bored, let's invade Poland?" And then the other one says, "NO NUMBER 5 WE CANNOT DO THAT, IT WILL START AN INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT! But I tell you what, let's go set up a camera in somebody's living room and watch them blog about stuff online!" C'mon, guys, that is ridiculous. That is what we have Reality TV for - to keep the government from having to watch you blog. But really, the point is that the government people are not there for their benefit any more than they are there for yours. They really want you to go nuts so that you will stop bothering them, and that is why they place these little, out of the way, every day conspiracies in our path to confuse and annoy us. Like, for example, think about those Visine commercials. You know the ones I mean. There's one where the guy has red flannel pajamas and he wakes up and his eyes are all bloodshot, and the narrator says, "Eyes match your PJs? There's a Visine for that." Or there is the one with the guy at this gas station in the desert and he looks at his bottle of water and he pours it into his eyes. And the narroator says, "Eyes dreyed out? There's a Visine for that. Or the one where the girl is coming outside and she looks up at the sun and suddenly her eyes just burst into flames and she runs around screaming "agh agh my eyes my eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyes!" and the narrator says, "Eyes spontaneously combusting? There's a Visine for that." OK, wait, that last one was just from this nightmare I had a few nights ago. But the point is, can anyone say that they have watched those commercials and NOT had their eyes feel all dry and uncomfortable afterwards? I do not know how those images can cause the eyes to feel dried out. But, I would be a pretty poor excuse for a conspiracy theorist if I did not advance a ridiculous theory as to how it works. So, here goes. See, I think the government puts two different tubes in our TV. We are aware of the one that shows us the images we see. But then there is the other one which transmits, like, ultraviolet hypersonic telepathic microwaves that seek out your eyes and DRY THEM OUT! Yeah, it happens by way of evaporation, which you can see from the helpful diagram below.

But don't think that's all. There are a lot more of those everyday conspiracies. Take, for example, public places and food courts. Yesterday I got off of the lightrail (as I said before, the lightrail is a great travel method because it is fast, only stops to let people on or off, and only a few cars have ever come screaming off the rails and landing in florist shops across the street) and I found out it was going to be 45 minutes until my bus got there. 45 minutes in the 100+ degree heat. I said, "Forget this," and I went off to the little shopping center there. I found the first restaurant I could. It was called Panera Bread. Panera Bread, as near as I can tell, is a place where people go to buy fresh bread, freshly made soup, and other Atkins diet killers. Anyway, I went in there and I looked at the beverages. Besides 47,000 different blends of coffee, I found hot tea, hot chocolate, and other hot stuff. So I got up to the counter and I said, "I don't see anything, what do you have that is cold?" The guy there says, "The I.C. Mango is good". I was too hot to comment on how lame-o the pun was, and I said, "Give me one." So he did. I bought one of those cruddy designer drinks for like 5 bucks, and it was not even good, but dang, I drank the whole thing because I was freakin' hot.

This reminds me of a short interlude, which I just have to talk about. I told you about grinningtiger's e-mail weather alerts, and this is a screenshot of one of the e-mails she sent me the following day. Notice the progression of temperatures throughout the day... I bet the IC Mango sales are going through the roof:

*notice the ads at the bottom of the image. VISINE!!!

There was also a small matter of the fact that, if you look closely at the lower right corner of the screen when a Tidy Cats cat litter commercial is on, you will notice that the Nestle logo is there. Yes, the same folks who make chocolate and stuff. But the biggest conspiracy of all... this one scares me. Thankfully it was discovered and thwarted but the evidence, the scars if you will, can still be seen to this day. Have you ever gone into an old building, and gone to the restroom, and you notice that the sink has TWO TAPS? What the heck, people? Why, why, why? One for hot, and one for cold. Like this one:

What on Earth is the idea there? How can anyone not look at that and say it was made that way to make you nuts? You have 2 options with that sink: Wash in cold and risk infection (thus preventing you from spreading the word and busting that conspiracy wide open) or scald your skin off in hot and then try to cool it down real fast in cold. WHO THE CRAP COMES UP WITH THIS?! And the thing is, nobody complains about this. They complain about aliens coming to earth and working as cab drivers in New York, and they throw a fit about coverups regarding military technology. But who is complaining about the bad taps? Nobody, that's who. Well, I will. I will take up the cause, and spread the word. That is, until they come to take me away. Who will follow in my footsteps? Take up the torch of truth, and spread your light throughout the world! Then you can... oh, wait, hang on. I just saw a Visine commercial, and I'm just gonna have to go out and buy some. What was I saying?

Yes, I know, it can be a boring topic. In fact one of the things that people tend to hate is just sitting around talking about weather. Talking about the weather is seen as the failsafe, the catch-all, the safety net of conversation. If your conversation goes bad, you can always talk about weather. I think part of that is because weather is so universal - everyone has it, everyone deals with it, and everyone sees its effects. Unfortunately, it is precisely these characteristics which makes people not want to talk about the weather. You say, "Hey, wow, it's sure rainy out there." And people are, like, "Dur!" Nobody likes to be told things that they already know.

Still, people keep on talking about weather. It's really a shame, though, because really, talk about the weather could really be interesting if only people would be less boring about it. I do not mean that people should be all in-depth about weather talk, because that would just be weird. I'm not saying that people need to be, like, "Oh, wow, the clouds are very cumulonimbus up there today. Wow, don't you just admire the way the upper ionosphere is doing its thing, with all those charged particles and stuff?" No, that would be even more boring than, "Sure is rainy out there." No, but, I mean, there are a lot of interesting things out there that people could say about the weather; how it affects them, interesting stories regarding it, and the like.

OK, here is an example. True story. When I lived out in Vegas, I would always laugh at the people around me when it rained. Those of you on here who went to school with me (I am having to learn to say that because I am now at a point where I have friends on here who did not go to school with me) will remember that the ceiling was all open. I do not mean that I went to one of those open air classroom things, because that would just be awkward. No, but the halls and stuff were open, like a courtyard. So, it was interesting, because usually people would go through and just run amok through the whole place between classes. Although, now that I think about it we were pretty overcrowded, so nobody could really run anywhere. So, mostly, they just kind of moseyed amok, but still, you get the idea. But whenever it would rain, people would all huddle together under the awnings going in little rows and being sure never to get out there. And it didn't have to be raining hard; most of the time it was just lightly drizzling. You know the kind of rain you get where you end up kind of damp, but you aren't actually wet in any place, and the sun is still out? Yeah, it was that kind of rain. And people would panic. They were totally spun out, and they didn't know what to do. Occasionally one brave soul would stick a hand out there and fell a droplet of water on his hand, then bring it right back in like it had been stung by a jellyfish. The others in the group would stare at the hand, waiting for some ailment to appear, like maybe it would shrivel up and fall off or disintegrate or something. And of course it never did. But they looked for it anyway. But then again, it's Vegas, so what do you expect? The kind of place where the average rainfall is just a few inches a year, and the city pastime is seeing how many small rounded objects you can fit up your nostrils.

To be fair though, a lot of people have had strange, seemingly over the top reactions to weather. Like, for example, here in Colorado. Whenever it snows they have live coverage. "Winter Weather Watch 2006," they call it. Or, they will do this year... last year it was "Winter Weather Watch 2005". And the year before that... you know, I think you can handle the math here, actually. But really, it is like that. All the other stories get pushed to the side. Reporters appear next to major roads and say, "Well, yes, it is still snowing... still comin' on down." So, I look out my window and the snow is, like, barely sticking to the grass. "Yessirie, if it keeps up at this rate we could possibly see an inch by morning."

An INCH? A friggin' inch? Holy Crapopolis, news anchors, I am glad you are here to tell me this important information! I have heard that this goes on in other places in the country, too. One of my friends, grinningtiger, told me yesterday that she got an e-mail alert from her... weather alert company people. And the e-mail said, "OH NO! It is a HEAT WAVE! Guys it is going to be 104 degrees today, so be careful! Stay inside and use the air conditioning! CHECK UP ON FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS! Guys I am serious it is an EMERGENCY here!". That is not a direct quote, but that was the gist. I was all, "I lived in Vegas. 120 degrees, that is hot, OK? This is just... like... warm. Heck, it's 104 degrees most nights. That's what us Vegas people call, 'comfortable'. Yeah, when it's 104 degrees celcius, then I think you should send an alert."

But then it gets really weird. You have an earthquake or a tornado and the people say, like, "Yes, we had an earthquake today. It was kinda bad. Anyway, now here is Chip to tell us about the latest stupid crap some celebrity did." What the hell? What is up with that? Darned if I know. I think it's just that people don't really know how to deal with real conversation, about real people and real things. A lot of the world is just people out there looking for something stupid to talk about or do. Really, think about it. The classics... the things that really moved people... they have disappeared, and you are an outcast if you believe in them. But then here comes this strange, awkward thing and people are all over it. Like, take for example this video I saw a couple days ago. This band from like 1992 made it. It is so odd that it's like, you don't like it, but you can't turn away. I mean, it features people with cars and a house that are made to look like plastic, and it turns Barbie, the beloved childrens' doll, into this sex object. And Barbie is a brunette. And Ken is Bald. Yes, creepy, I know. Have a look see:

The Creepy Video!

I am not the only person who thought this was a little odd, I suppose, because this other band decided to do a parody of the song in question. And the lyrics they wrote were:

Ik ben een lekker wijf, met een heel mooi lijf
Ik houd van zoenen, lekker lang zoenen
Met m'n blonde haar krijg ik alles voor elkaar
Gouden ringen en dat soort dingen

Oh, yeah, they were a Dutch band, so that is written in a different language. This is what the lurics actually mean:

I'm a hot b*tch, with a hot body
I love kissing, kissing for a long time
With my blonde hair, I can get anything
Golden rings, and that kind of things

As if it were not enough, though, someone took a listen to this song and decided that it sounded quite a lot like the people were singing in English... just words that made no sense. So, this person "translated" the song this way:

Bend it like a knife   Let them hear more lies
A cow from Zooland   That cannot Zooland
Never blew my heart   Twenty dollars for a car
Car b-linging   And lots of dinging.

You can see the video the translator did right here. I just think it is amazing the kinds of things people will do because of a lack of constructive things to do with their lives. I mean, sure, this person could be out there curing cancer but no, he'd rather make movies with creepy Richard Simmons babies and that use the phrase FISH POKE! Sometimes I think everyone's gone nuts.

So, see? There you go. See what can happen when you talk about weather? Now if you will excuse me, I have to go meet David Unger in the mall. We plan to boycott the Everybody Loves Raymond DVDs.

ACTOR RAY FOR NOT!*

*I bet you wish now you'd clicked on my links. Well, it is not too late!

I've been thinking about the rest of my life, because I am coming up on being 20 years old now. I can hardly believe that I will have been on this planet for two decades already. What is even harder to believe is that I will probably be meeting people and settling down within a few years after that. Although for those of you who know me, I am already pretty well settled. So, maybe I will need to settle up, when the time comes. Anyway, though, I have been thinking about all these things a lot... and about eventually having kids. And I have come to realize that I might not actually be a good parent.

On Sunday, I lost my wallet. I looked high and low for it. I started looking in strange places to see if I had set it someplace I shouldn't have. I looked in the refrigerator, and in the cabinets, and in the drawers in the basement. Some of those drawers, nobody has looked into for five years. In fact, I had to cut the tape off of a couple of them to even get into them, but I still looked inside of them to see if the wandering billfold had found its way inside. It was quite frustrating, really, because I knew I had been in posession of it a few days before. I was getting irritable, and slamming cabinet doors and stuff. This did not help me find the wallet any faster, and it didn't make me feel any better, either. But I kept on doing it. Because I was just flat out mad. So, how does this relate to child rearing?

Well, this evening, they had an ad on TV... one of those Public Service Announcements. It featured this dad at home alone with a baby. At least, I assume he was the dad. I suppose he could have just been someone who the parents felt they could trust, but I think that is overthinking the PSA. Anyway, the baby is crying (Though I do not think crying is really the right word. I think something like, "Primal war cry" or "Emitting a sound so strong that only dogs can hear it now, or that you can use to echolocate" is more fitting). Dad is yelling at the baby, things like, "That's enough! Shut up!" I am sure the baby is thinking, "TALL PERSON I cannot understand you, my brain is not well enough developed to understand lingual communication," but then again that would require the knowlege of language that the sentence just claimed is absent. So, really, it cannot be thinking that, so forget I said anything. But then right at the end of the commercial the dad picks the baby and is holding her in the air and he is all "Shut up! AAAAAUGH!" And he is about to shake her (which for anyone who has been on this planet for any length of time, you know is a bad idea, but someone thought it might be good to make this PSA anyway) but right before he does the screen goes black and this announcer starts saying, "No matter how long she cries, never shake a baby." Then they tell you to go to a website... www.dontshakeababy.com.

Now, I will be the first person to tell you that a lot of things that have websites shouldn't get to have websites, because they aren't needed. Like, Colegate, the people who make toothpaste. What the heck do they have to have a website about? They should not get to have one, because, it is just not a topic that there needs to be a website about. How do you devote an entire domain name to toothpaste? That's what nobody seems to have an answer for. Maybe they talk about their products, and how much you can expect to pay for them, retail (which could be really good if you are ever going to be on The Price is Right). And then maybe they have a gallery, that shows, like, the box art and the art on the tubes of toothpaste and stuff, and then maybe there is a section where people write their toothpaste poems and send them in. But probably not.

So, anyway, I thought that this website didn't have any business existing, either. I mean, don't shake a baby.com. So it probably says, like, "Don't shake a baby." Could there be anything else on there? What more is there to say on the matter? Apparently, quite a lot. I was expecting to check it out and it would say, "Don't shake a baby. Really. I mean it. Ever. OK? We clear? Ok, good, I am going to bed now." But there is a lot there. There are printed sheets, and lists of things to do, and what to say to other people who you might let care for your baby. It's like, wow. I did not know there could be so much about such a simple topic. But, somehow that was comforting, because you quickly realize that no matter what, there are resources out there to help with any issue. So, maybe I'll be able to deal with this and other potential crises in my life. Because, as always, I can look at my good friends the internet to guide me through this strange and marvelous thing we like to call life.

Well, not necessarily you personally, but you as in the people who read this little section of the internet I have. I've been enjoying writing here more and more, because I can just write what I want. I don't have any constrictions, and I don't have any characters or plot or anything. That is, apart from the characters in my own life. And the plot that happens to me. And... you know, really this isn't much different from writing fiction after all, except that I don't have to write it. Because someone else is writing the story of my life. Totally. So, I just have to take it all down, and that makes life easier. No, actually, it doesn't do that either. What would be really easy would be to just let life happen and not write anything down at all, but that doesn't give me any chance to have things to write about, and it doesn't give you any bang for your entertainment buck (guys while we are talking about that I have yet to receive a single buck from anyone, despite all the entertainment banging that is happening in here. Wait, that did not sound right).

Anyway, I have been thinking a lot about what I write on here, because I was reading through some of what I wrote, and I am surprised because, dang, I was reading through my recent entries. (Note to the reader: If you just clicked on that link then, congratulations, you just ended up at the same page you were just on! How cool are you? Yes, I know, I am the worst internet person ever.) Dang, there is some oddball stuff in there! I am really just like crazy or something. No, that is not entirely true. I mean, there is some weird stuff in there, but still, I do not think I am that odd. I think there are legitimate reasons why I write the things I do, and that my inspiration must come from somewhere. I decided the best person to ask about this kind of thing would be my good friend, whom I think you all know, the internet

Now, I know that some of you are thinking there are better people that I could ask this kind of question to, like my friends, or my fellow authors, or those who are closest to me, or to myself, or to a really really good psychiatrist, or maybe a mindreader. But what you do not realize is that I can find all of those things and MORE on the internet! The internet is your best friend, and you should always strive to treat it as such. Ask it all your questions, and it can answer them. The reality is, guys, that all those people are available on the internet, because the internet really is open to freaks of all ages, shapes, and sizes! Note that I am not saying everyone in the list above is a freak, beacause it is just not true - I have the utmost respect for psychiatrists. Because Frasier Crane was one of those, and no matter how much you hide you cannot escape the fact that Frasier was a really awesome show.

So, anyway, as I was saying, I went to the internet to see what kind of sage wisdom it felt like giving me today. I went to my favorite search engine and I typed in "Crazy Ideas" because that is what I was thinking about. And one of the things that came up was this essay by Isaac Asimov which you can (and should) read whenever you get the chance. Beacuse Asimov is awesome. He came up with a lot of cool stuff, especially those robot law things. I think they go something like, "A robot must not harm a human, a robot must obey a human witout breaking the first law, a robot must file its owners income tax forms without breaking the first rule either." This is hard because as we all know, it's pretty easy to go nuts when you're doing income tax. In this essay you have to kind of dig to find Asimov's awesomeness, but it is there for anyone who really looks. He takes all these pages and uses them all to not answer the question. Or rather he gives this long social commentary, and it takes a long time to read it and you come away feeling kind of depressed and stuff. I'm sure the person who first asked Asimov, "Where do you ge those crazy ideas?" they thought he was going to say something like, "One day I was eating Wheaties and toast, and the toast burned my hand and I thought, what if there were laws that robots couldn't hurt people? And that's where I got the crazy idea." I bet after the person asked the question, Isaac Asimov got all quiet and excused himself and had to go write all this stuff. And then he printed it out and he took it to the person who asked the question and the person said, "Geez, I wish I had just not asked at all."

Really, this didn't actually help to tell me where I get my ideas, and so I decided to go to myself after all. Because the internet really didn't know a whole lot about me. I tried looking up my own homepage to see what kind of information about me I had up there, and I found out that I don't have a homepage. Well, that really threw a wrench in the works, so I had to just find out for myself, from myself.

So, one of the first things I found out was that usually when I write about something on here it is because of something that happened to me during the day, and I decided I could talk about that for a long time. Or sometimes not a long time, but I think it can be good. Like, for example, this little anacdote from today: I was at church, and after the service we all go downstairs and we have something to drink and something to eat and people get in little groups and talk. This is partly because we like each other and also because it is usually raining outside and nobody really wants to go out there until they see someone leaving who looks like they are responsible enough to have an umbrella. So, I took this styrofoam cup with punch in it. It tasted good, and it was kind of thick. It was like the syrup in a can of peaches. It tasted peachey, anyway. I said, "This is good." And the guy who was running the drinks table that day said, "Is it? Oh, good. I found some stuff in the fridge, and I didn't know what it was, so I put some lemonade in it and served it." True story.

I also realized that every time I post, my "Current song" thingie at the top of the entry has something to do with the post I made. I mean it! In the entry where I talked about my TV chef hero, the current music was the theme song to his show. And for the one where I talked about how my life was boring it was it was Mediocre Fred by the Smothers Brothers, and inthe one about scarry people on the bus, it was Thank God and Greyhound You're Gone. Today's music is Alabama Rain, because it is raining outside. OK, so I do not live in Alabama. You want to make something of it? Oh yeah? Well, I dare you to come over here and say that to my retreating image as I run away from you! Yeah, what now? So, is music my inspiration? Not really, no. But I do now know that I can at least use it as a successful backdrop to whatever I DO write. All in all, what I am trying so desperately to tell you is this: I think I am best suited to being a writer for Broadway. So, yeah. I am going to do that with the rest of my life.

Or maybe work at the gas station.

Remeber, everyone, Robots are our Friends!!!

It's been an eventful week. First of all, I have been reading a lot of Livejournal. Or rather I have been trying to, but my friends page has been surprisingly devoid of activity. Then I realized, oh noes, everyone has gone away for the holidays! Oh well. I'll write anyway, and when you all get back your friends pages will be full, and vibrant and stuff. YAY!

So, like I said, it has been busy. On Friday when I got home - that's a week ago friday, not, like, yesterday - I got a phone call that one of my dearest friends passed away after complications with cirrosis of the liver. Guys I do not know if that is how you spell cirrosis, but I am going to stick with it because it sounds right and, you know what? Phonetics really are the only way to spell. So, anyway, the funeral for him was on Sunday, and I was a pallbearer for the service. I don't know whose idea it was to make caskets out of oak. I think balsawood could totally do the job, and plus you can do some nice stuff with balsawood. You can, like, shape it and stuff. Imagine all the really cool caskets you could make if you used balsawood! Because, you could have the casket, but then you could have this swirly, modern art sculpturey thing in there too, and that'd be nice, I think. Anyway, it was a nice service. They're a Jewish family. And can I just say, the Jewish have some good traditions when it comes to death. Like, did you know that they each take a shovelful of dirt and throw it into the grave? I thought that was really beautiful. In the funerals I have been to you just leave the person there, and someone comes along and buries them after you've all gone to the wake. That feels wrong to me, somehow. This brings closure, I think.

So that was Sunday. Monday we went to this 4th of July display, except it was on the 3rd. So, whatever. It was good that we went, because it rained on the 4th. I do not mean when people say, "Oh, it's raining" and there's like drizzles all day. This was a downpour. So we (we being my mother, my grandparents, and myself) sat in the car waiting for the parking lot to empty out so we could leave. Oh, we should have left hours earlier, when it became obvious that there was not going to be a show, but we couldn't because we had used up all the battery trying to get the defogger to work. Because, with 4 people in there breathing, especially after running back to the car to avoid the rain, the windows quickly became... uh... unseethroughable. There's a word for that but I have temporarily forgotten what it is.

The Rabbi who did the service said, though, that anyone who left the ceremony not taking the lives of loved ones around them a little more seriously was missing the point. And I don't intend to miss that one at all. I want all of you to know how much I care for you, and how awful it would be if something should happen to any of you. So, take care of yourselves, hm?

I don't like Reality TV. I may as well say it now. I have found that there are 2 classes of people - those who watch Reality TV and those who, when it comes on, say, "OMG! Reality TV! Nooooooooo!" And smash their TV with an icepick. These people then look at their TV corpse and say, "serves you right for bringing that vile stuff into my home! Stupid TV!"

The thing I don't like about Reality TV is the way people play each other to get the others voted away. There's just so much drama there that it's not fun to watch. Plus, where do they get the people who are on these things? None of them are normal, I don't think. You don't get secretaries and veterinarians on these things. People are all, "Hi, my name is Franchescarada, and I'm an out of work actor," or, "Hy my name is David and I'm an exotic dancer." Where are the tax consultants on reality TV?

Now, with all that said, I have managed to find a soft spot in my heart for a couple of these shows. The first was The Apprentice, with Martha Stewart. I was able to look past the fact that there was drama because this was about the business world. And business is fun. I don't like the original version, with Donald Trump, because Trump is nuts. He creeps me out. (Note to self: If ever applying for a job with Donald Trump, delete this post IMMEDIATELY! Better still, replace 'Trump is nuts' with some Trump-loving spew. Yeah... that's the ticket!)

The only other show I have been able to find appealing is one called Solitary. It airs on the Fox Reality Network (yes, I know, a whole network about reality TV. So sue me.) These people get placed in solitary confinement, with only this computer to talk to. It's very strange and very odd, but I seem to like it. Dunno why... maybe because it's less about trying to screw each other over (the contenstants never get to actually meet, in fact) and more about being Twilight-Zoney. In fact, that's what I thought it was when I stumbled on it... the Twilight Zone. The other thing is that, unlike that Fear Factor crapfest, the players don't have to do anything they don't want. They can quit at any time. But the first one to quit any given treatment is out. No elimination votes, or any of that drama. Just people, in a pod, talking to a computer named VAL. What could be more natural?

OK people answer the following question as best you can. Several answers might seem right but just pick the best one, OK?
"It is good to have rain. It helps plants grow, and provides moisture. When is rain NOT a good thing?
(A) When it rains too much
(B) When it rains too litte
(C) When it you live in a basement
(D) All of the above
(E) None of the above

The answer is C! It is bad when it rains and you live in a basement! I know this because I am in a basement and it rained today. Oh, yes, it rained. It rained hard, and fast. I knew this partly because of the water coming from the sky, but also because of 9News's custom cast. The custom cast is an e-mail notice of weather. It usually comes once a day to deliver news of the next day's forecast. If their is breaking weather it changes. Here was my mailbox today:

Thunderstorm warnings, flood warnings, warning warnings. It was a wakeup call alright. What does this have to do with being in a basement? Nothing. But what DOES have to do with that is the fact that I went downstairs to where my room is and I found that the window well was filling up. It has never done that before. Here is a picture of my room that we took when we were thinking of buying the house and wanted to do a side-by-side comparison (this means that the ugly shears are gone now). Usiny my state of the art computer skills I have indicated about where the water level was on the window.

COOL you are probably saying, you could put fish in there or something! Alas, no, for the water coming in soon wore out its welcome. Because it came into the house. Through the window. Through the crack at the bottom of the window. And why did it come so fast? Because there was a leak in the window well.

Do you see the bucket and rock in the picture above? They have not moved since we arrived two years ago, until today. I put the bucket in the well hoping it would catch the stream of water pouring in. But the bucket just floated. So I took the rock that had been on top and threw it in the bucket to hold it down. But it jus fell over. Now I am looking out my window and all I can see is the bucket. Yucky view, I tell you.

Other than that, the rain was good and welcome. I just hope next time it gives me enough warning to put a garbage bag over the hole.

Alton Brown is my hero. 'nuff said.

No, who am I kidding? It is not enough said. It doesn't say much anyway. I mean, you might not know who Alton Brown is. And, if you did know, that makes you awesome. But still, you don't know why is my hero. Perhaps I should start again.

Alton Brown is a TV chef on the Food Network. He hosts Good Eats, and it is the awesomest show ever, because it's not just him in a kitchen cooking like all the other, boringer chefs. Rachel Ray, Emeril, Bobby Flay. They are all good, no doubt, but basically they stand there and cook for you, and that's it. Alton Brown is not like that at all. He does the cooking stuff, but he also goes out and shows you stuff you never get on other cooking shows. Like, he will go out and show you what kind of equipment to buy, so that you don't get suckered with something that doesn't work (did you know that the best toaster for your money is a single-slot model, not a dual-slot model?). Also, he takes regular digs at popular culture, which is always fine with me.

I think the thing I appreciate about him most of all is the fact that he uses science to teach me how to cook. Next thanksgiving I am totally going to brine my turkey, and not stuff it, because Stuffing is Evil. It harbors micro-organism, and increases cooking time, thus making for a dry bird. I just really appreciate it when Science gets given a fair shot, because most people find it too analytical. In fact, he did a show about ribs, and he went to this BBQ cook off, and nobody would tell him what was in their rub because it was all secret and stuff. So, he gets back to the kitchen, and he says, "So what? We've got science, and science kicks voo-doo's butt any day." I knew right then that I had found my hero.

The other thing that's awesome is that his recipes are good. Really good. I just made a peanutbutter fudge in my MICROWAVE, for heaven's sake! Do you want the recipe? OK, here you go. You put 2 sticks of butter and one cup of peanut butter in a microwave safe bowl and nuke for 2 minutes (I realize that nobody says 'nuke' when referring to microwaving anymore except for me, but that is what I mean. I just want to clarify that incase anyone thought they had to get an atom bomb or something). So then you take it out and stir it up. Then nuke (there's that word again) for another 2 minutes. Then take it out and stir it with a wooden spoon. This is important, because the liquid is superheated. When you stick the spoon in there and stir there will be fierce bubbleage, but just don't panic. Still, it might be a good idea to do this in a somewhat large bowl. Anyway, after you stir, then put 2 tablespoons of vanilla extract in there, and stir it again. Finally, stir in a pound of powdered sugar, and stash in the refrigerator for about an hour and a half. Guys it is great. I think it came out a little sweet, but other than that it was OK. I think next time I will put in a little less sugar, or a little more vanilla to make it a little less sweet, but it was still really great!

So, after I elevated Mr. Brown to the status of Hero, I decided to take what he had taught me and share it with the world. Toting my newfound wisdom around, I decided to head out to that source of all knowledge and wisdom. No, not the Wikipedia... the other one. Yahoo Answers.

I have to take a time out again and plug this site too. Have you heard of it? You can go and ask questions of people on the internet. Then other people answer them. It's interesting, because you get so many differeny answers. And it's interesting to see that some people put a lot of time into their answers, and some you can tell are just out to get the point they get for an answer. Here is an example. The question was: "Why are mayo packets bigger then ketchup packets? just curious..?" Here were some of the answers:

• Because it is better


• uh,jeez i don't know.you certainly have an inquiring mind.
  how about a little redirection to it though.


• i have no clue but i like ketchup


• it have more faver(big bro sead so)

And.... yeah. Here was my answer:

Mayonnaise is a light, fluffy substance that has a lot of air worked into it, which is what accounts for its light and fluffy texture. Mayo is made by slowly drizzling oil into a surfactant, which is a fancy word for a chemical that allows an emulsion to occur.

Since I don't want you to have to go off and write a second question - what is an emulsion - I'll tell you that as well. If you put oil and water together in a glass and stir them up, they separate because the water and the oil cannot mix. The surfactant (in the case of mayo, the egg white) acts like a marriage counsellor. Water and oil don't get along, but water and egg white get along and oil and egg white get along. So, the egg white coats the oil. Since the oil is in contact with the egg white (and they get along), and that egg white is in contact with the water (who also get along), the oil stays mixed in with the water.

So, this all comes together to answer your question. In order to create an emulsion, the oil has to be drizzled into the egg white mixture very slowly, and it needs to be kept moving all the time, so the mixture has to be beaten heavily. That introduces air into it, and that's why mayo is so fluffy. Fluffy is good, but it means that, like ice cream, the majority of what you're getting in that packet is air. That means that, in order to get a comparable amount of substance into the packet, it needs to be considerably larger.

So, this proves that I am a pedant. GO ME! GO PEDANTS! Yeah, so I gave a long answer that nobody in their right mind is going to read. So, I talked about emulsions. So I called an egg white a marriage counsellor. It's true! And of course it spreads the knowledge that Alton Brown is positively flowing over with out into the world where it can do good.

Oh, incidentally, that question is now in voting, and I am tied with, "mayo packets are bigger than ketchup packets because mayonnaise is thicker." I will let you know who wins. I have a feeling it will be a pitched battle. And don't go betting on me, because it could go either way and I don't want to see any of you get hurt.

So, that's what I'm on about today. Because I have to have something to write about. So I picked a cool site and a TV chef. I am saying this disclaimer thing because I do not want you to read this and say, "Poor Alex, he sits around all day thinking about Mayonnaise." No, that is not the case. It just was something I thought about and I said, "Hey there, there is a LiveJournal entry in that!"

So, that is not what I came here to tell you about. HA HA! You thought you were getting to the end, when really this is merely the middle of the entry. HA HA I HAVE TRICKED YOU! What I came here to talk about was my parents' anniversary. As I said yesterday, they have been married for 26 years as of today. They got married in 1980, which is good because it was a nice, even year. It makes calculating how many years they were together a lot easier. I mean, if you know a couple who were married in 1987, that's great for them, sure. But if someone says to you, "how long have they been married?" you would have to take a second and think about it. I have no such issue with my parents because they were married in 1980, and the adding is easy. So if you say to me, "how long have they been married?" I can, comfortably and without missing a stride, say, "Since 1980. Do the math - it is easy to add from 1980. What, do you expect me to do everything for you?" Also, 1980 is the year that The Empire Strikes Back came out, and that was the awesomest Star Wars movie ever. Though Episode III was a close second.

Anyway, my half-sister Kris and I decided to do something cool for them for their anniversary. First, we made a slideshow video out of pictures of them, and let them watch it. The background music was, "Flying without Wings" and it worked out pretty well, I think. Then they had to eat. Dad can't go out to dinner anymore with his bad back, so we brought dinner to them. Kris picked up a sirloin dinner from Boston Market. I had never been to a Boston Market before but it was really good! Kris had to skedale (there is another of those antiquated words for you) back to work because someone screwed up and they were all hitting the panic button. Kris told me that and I said to her, "NO! You're supposed to hit the EASY button!" She didn't laugh. Kris and I had planned to go see a movie, but we didn't do that. So, I was gonna go downstairs and let them eat in peace then have mine later, but they wouldn't let me. Aren't they sweet? So, we had the dinner all together. It was good... potatoes with dill, then mashed potatoes, and stuffing, and steamed vegetables. Also, corn bread, and of course the meat with an Au Jus dipping sauce. Yeah, we had a good time together, and a good dinner.

Now that's what I call Good Eats!

P.S. Here is Alton's recipe for Mayonnaise if you feel like having fun with emulsions on your own! http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,,FOOD_9936_16262,00.html

Tomorrow my parents will have been married for 26 years. Yes, 26. Longer than I have been alive. Well, I mean, duh. OK, that was not too much of a stretch for the imagination. But as I tried to go to sleep tonight - yes, I have already had one go at it - I realized that, damn, time is just flying by so quickly. In January, I will be 20 years old. 20. That is older than many good bottles of wine, older than most fine cheeses, older than the stale crumbs of bread you find in the couch when you clean every 5 years.

I think this weighs so heavily on me because I am already getting into the twilight years of my life. I know that sounds like old person talk, and it is. But I am starting to realize that, really, my life is probably half over. Know what makes me think that? My family history. What do we have a family history of, you ask? Heart Disease, Stroke, Diabeates, Cancer, you name it. If I live to be 40 years old I will be shocked. In fact I will probably be so shocked that I have a heart attack and die right there, and do a faceplant into the cake. Which, knowing my luck, will still be on fire. Yeah, how's that for irony?

So, I have been reading a lot of livejournals lately, and I keep hearing people say that, goodness, they're so emo about this, that, or the other thing. And for a while I was all, "Oh, that's a shame." Then I decided that, really, if I were going to tell people I was sorry that they were emo about things, then I should find out exactly what this emoness entailed. So, I decided I would do some research into the situation, perform a couple interviews, and maybe even organize a flow chart or something. Because, come on. It's me.

So, anyway, I was looking over all this fun stuff, and this is what I found out. Yes, that is right, I am giving you the results now, even though the authors of any potentially long research paper know that you will only read this far, then skip to the last paragraph. PEOPLE I AM BREAKING THE LAWS OF WRITING BORING CRAP FOR YOU SO I HOPE YOU APPRECIATE IT! Anyway, I found out that a lot of people are using this word 'emo', to describe their emotional state at any given time. But really, I think there is more to it than that. Here is my evidence. First, the interviews. Oh, by the way, the following has been released under the Federal Document Disclosure act of 1963*:

AlexG2490: :)
riunyunz: I forgot how to do that.
AlexG2490: Do what?
riunyunz: Smile.
riunyunz: It never seems to last very long anymore.
AlexG2490: Ah.
riunyunz: Sorry, I am being emo.
AlexG2490: Emo. is good.
AlexG2490: I am a firm believer that you cannot go through life successfully without being emo.
AlexG2490: Uh, just one question.
AlexG2490: What is, "emo."?
riunyunz: Hahahaha. It's kinda another word for depressed. Like over-emotional. Or very sad for prolonged periods of time.
AlexG2490: Aha.

So, this was OK so far. I thought I had it figured out. It's a word for depressed. Fine. But could I leave it at that? No, I could not, because I am a distressed kind of person, who tries to dig too deep into things that, really, are just fine the way they are. And also, because I am so devoid of a social life that this is how I spend my Saturday nights. Because I am a sad and worthless person. I'm just saying. Anyway, I decided I needed a real, true authority, so I decided to the expert on all things everywhere. I chartered a little 2-person plane to the Himalayas, where I was going to seek out the sage council of an old guru on top of a mountain (you may have heard of him... Spurzada the Magnificent... he runs that www.gurusonamountaintop.com website). That was my plan, until I found out how much it costs to go to the Himalayas. Did you know it is like $4,000? That is way too much, I said, so I decided to go to the other expert on all things everywhere... WIKIPEDIA!

I have to take a minute here and ask, do you know this site? It's great, I tell you. It is an encyclopedia online, and anyone can go on there and edit it. So, if you know a lot about stuff, you can go on there, find an article, and edit it. I urge you, POUR ALL YOUR ENERGY AND KNOWLEDGE INTO THIS THANKLESS PROJECT! You will be really cool afterwards. I am sure of it!!!

Anyway, so, I went to Wikipedia. Wikipedia, I said, can you tell me about emo? Sure, Wikipedia said. Emo is a Canadian town, it is located in ONTARIO! Wikipedia, that is not what I meant and you know it. Now tell me what I want to know. So, finally, this is what I found:

Emo (from emotional) is a slang term used to describe a range of fashion styles and attitudes somewhat affiliated with emo music and its related scenes. The word "emo" may be used as a noun to describe a member of the emo scene,as an adjective to describe a certain style of fashion or music, or even to describe a state of feeling unhappiness, loneliness, depression or melancholy (to feel "emo").

Uh-oh, I said. Sure, it starts as unhappiness. But look where it leads! Actually, I still did not know where it leads, but luckily Wikipedia was there for me again. It had a picture on it. And this is what the picture was:

OH NO I said, this is terrible! Look at what can happen! EMO IS NOT GOOD PEOPLE! IT RUINS LIVES! Look, you start out all depressed, and then you are listening to angry music, and it is not bad. But then suddenly your hair is black and your pants are black, and your... what the hell are those, gauntlets on his arm? Anyway, they are black, too. And you have a plaid shirt over your black shirt, and your black shirt has a dead smiley face on it!

Finally, this was the last straw. Click the link below. What you see there is an accurate scientific model of a person whose life has been consumed by this emo thing. It is truly terrifying. Interact with it... if you DARE!

An accurate scientific model of an Emo Person

"Take your simple-minded annoyances elsewhere"? "If you're looking for an emotional response I'm sorry to disappoint you"?! Holy Crapopolis! It was then that I realized the true danger that existed here. This stuff turns you into an unemotional wreck. For you Star Trek fans... it makes you like a Vulcan. Except, without the warmth.

In order to formalize my research, and also because I have this thing for flowcharts, I have designed one for all you out there who are considering the emo lifestyle. Use it to its full power. You will discover undiscovered truths! Undiscovered, that is... until... you DISCOVER them!

So, now, all that remains is for you all to spread the word around... save your family and friends from emo! The other thing that remains is for me to go listen to some angsty music.

... what?

*guys I totally made that Disclosure Act crap up

So, I have been thinking a lot about life, and what, really, life is. I don't mean the meaning of life. Every self respecting person knows the meaning of life is 42. So there. No, I mean the metaphors for life. I don't get them.

Some people say that life is no picnic. I'd say that it is a picnic. Because really, a picnic is hard. You have to make all the food you want, and then you have to put it in a wicker basket with a red and white checkered table cloth. IF YOU DO NOT DO THIS THE PICNIC POLICE CAN AND WILL ARREST YOU so be careful out there, OK? Practice safe lunch - use a condiment!!! And the tablecloth! OK, I am done. But really, you have to pack everything, and then you have to carry it to a nice place. And then you have to sit there and eat. But by the time you get there the mayo is warm and the bread is soggy and you really don't want to eat anyway because you just had to haul your fricken lunch up a fricken mountain, and now the bees are stinging you and mosquitoes are drinking your blood and you might get malaria and DIE. So, yeah, life is a picnic.

Then people say that life is a bowl of cherries. Then others say that, no, it is not a bowl of cherries because life sucks. But I like to think that life is a bowl of cherries as well as a picnic. It's just that, really, a bowl of cherries is not that good. OK, maybe those cherries in a jar that they put on top of ice cream are good, but I do not think they mean that. I think they mean real red/black cherries. And really, they suck. The pits hurt your teeth, and they are sour, and the juice stains you, and then sometimes you choke on the pit. So, life is like a bowl of cherries, sure. It's just that a bowl of cherries isn't a nice thing.

SO, I guess this leads me to the big question about life, which is this: Can you take cherries on your picnic?

You think about that for a minute why don't you.

So, in other news. I went and saw that movie with Garrison Keillor. And you should, too. Go and see it because it is awesome. It's all character stuff. There are no explosions or special effects or any of that, so if you do not like a move where you learn a lot about some of the characters and that is really all that happens, then maybe you should not go see it. But I liked it. I think I liked it because I like Keillor's real radio show, A Prairie Home Companion. In this world where we're all busy and running around, it's nice to have something at the end of every week to just listen to because it's easy and wonderful, and so I like it a lot that way. I have some of garrison Keillor's monologues if you want to hear them. Because he's cool. Listen to a couple of his stories about his home town, Lake Wobegone. In fact, listen to a few. They're slow and kind of off-beat, but I promise if you listen to a few you will enjoy them.Listen Here!.

So, I just took this here test thing. Here are my results. You can see what yours are, if you want.

Well, it is not me, but it got your attention when it popped up on your Friends page, didn't it? I have not been updating for a long time, because I get somewhat disollusioned with LJ. I come and I make an appearance and I maybe get someone who says, "OMFG ALEX! You need to post more often!" So, then, I DO start posting, and I don't get any responses, and I think, "Oh no, people are not reading my Livejournal! What can I do to increase readership?" So then I go off and I think of something, and I put it up online, and nobody reads it. Or if they do read it, they don't make a comment, and it is just the same as if I were continuing to not post, except that this time I got to spend a long time writing something that nobody is going to read.

OMG PANICKY PEOPLE READ! NO, I AM NOT GOING TO BE A FATHER! IT WAS JUST A CLEVER PLOY TO GET YOUR ATTENTION!

So, life has been so boring lately, I can't really describe it. This is the real reason I never post. At least all of you out in Vegasland have all that juicy controversy, emoness (whatever the hell that is), self-loathing, and, yes, even minor conflicts to keep yourself occupied and, most importantly, make interesting LJ posts. I have none of that. I know a lot of you are thinking that my complaining about a lack of issues in my life is like someone complaining that they have never had cancer. But really, I would be happy if anything happened in my life, even some good old fashioned strife, because at least it would add some spice to an otherwise boring life.

With this train of thought in mind, there are some things I thought of that you people can do to help me out. Some of you have already done them, and I love ya for it.

1. Come to me with your problems. You know, just like the good old days. I am getting lost with all the stuff going on, and I fear if I don't immerse myself in the culture I may lose touch entirely.


2. If you know people from back in school in Vegas who have a LiveJournal, who don't seem to know about MY LiveJournal, then please encourage them to come and make their presence known. I would love to be able to talk to some of those folks again. I know for a fact that Matt and Holly have LJs... someone please send them my way!

So, what's up with me? The same old nothing. I'm still going to college at the awesomest university ever. I'm still at an impass in my love life (read: I have no love life). Oh, but I do have plans for the summer. I am going to do some research with one of my professors. In addition to a possibility of scholarships, and it being a good resume builder, I am also going to be getting paid for it. So, I get to do somewhat simple stuff and I get money for it. My motto is, any job I can do from in a chair is a good job. Well, that is all for now. Thank you for reading my journal, and please, COMMENT!

So, third quarter started up yesterday. Since when is college all about reading? Why am I paying these people 25000 a year so that they can tell me to read a book? Why, I ask? This is terrible! Oh well. Nothing I can do about it :(

So, you folks want to see something really cool? Last month someone introduced me to Second Life. It's a computer game... kinda.
It's a MMORPG... kinda.
Here, this article will explain things much better than I can

I think it's a lot of fun, and I've spent many happy hours there. You can get a basic account that doesn't even cost anything, or for $10/month you can get a premium account. I've enjoyed it and you probably will too!
Click here for more info!